As I mentioned earlier this week, the Lord has been screaming at me recently. If you know me, you know that the desire of my heart is to be a wife and a mother. You also will know that it has been a loooong time since I last dated anyone. The reason for the long break is because of something I heard God say to me. One day, a few years ago, I was praying about this subject and heard the Lord speak to my heart, saying "just wait". I can't really describe what it was like to hear those two words so clearly, but I definitely did. And I waited.
I waited for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that I did. Waiting probably saved me from some bad relationships and some bad choices on my part. However, I became impatient as I tend to do so easily. I wrote about this issue a few weeks ago in another entry on waiting (you can read it here).
A few weeks ago, I was pleading with the Lord over this area of my life. I seem to have become more and more impatient since I turned 30 in September. Being married has become more of an issue for me...I guess I feel like time is ticking away. That very next week, three people mentioned three different guys to me! I agreed to be set up with one of them. We met for dinner and had a great conversation. He was very nice, a perfect gentleman, and he loves the Lord. After I went home, though, and all day every day for the rest of the week, God dealt with me. I felt like I could hear the Lord just as clearly as I had heard Him before. Only this time, He was screaming at me "I TOLD YOU TO WAIT!" Again, I can't explain what it was like for me to hear this voice in my heart, but I clearly did. I felt like He was telling me that I was trying to rush Him. I tried to brush it off at first, but the screaming only got louder until it was all I could hear.
You see, I feel like there is a very specific calling from the Lord on my life. And there is a very special man that will match that calling. If you know me, you know my heart on this issue.
I know this may sound crazy to you...it sounds a little crazy to me too. But I truly believe that this is what the Lord was screaming to me for an entire week and a half. So, I have backed off on my constant yearning to find a husband (which is not my job anyway) and will wait for the Lord to bring him to me.
I hope you can understand my ramblings on this subject. Lots of things have been running through my head on this matter and I have tried my best to organize them for you. Have you ever heard God speak to you about any particular area in your life?